And, so, we begin… – Page 4

Seasons of the Heart

November 12, 1998

One love leaves us, another comes.
Memories linger as new ones appear.
Questioning – are we ready?

The heart beats its fickle beat,
Loving, longing, hating.
Passion flows towards a new affection.
We quiver at the unfamiliar touch.
Mourning for what was not,
Praying we do not miss what may be.

The silent anger rages,
We smile at our new companion.
We linger over a new pair of lips,
Simmering for the old familiar scents.
The dark and rainy days pass slowly,
Soon we notice sun,
And we smile into the eyes or our chosen one.

The Next Steps…

November 13, 1998

I stand quiet on the path
Gazing around
At familiar scenery.I know
It’s time to move on.
The future calls.

There’s so much waiting,
So much left to see,
Do and explore.

So many people to meet,
Touch, love,
And comfort.

I take the first steps forward
And begin to shed the shell
Of the woman that was.

Beneath,
Will be uncovered,
The woman of the universe.

She who is peaceful, joyful,
Exuberant, patient, calm
And graceful.

Alone she stands
Smiling,
Watching the travelers go by.

She observes them unmoving,
Smiling politely,
Offering a nod to those familiar to her.

Suddenly she blends with another,
Light radiates as they share the path
Together.

A perfect union is formed,
For a moment their hearts
Beat in unison.

Slowly the light shifts
And there are two flames moving,
Slightly apart.

They move in the same direction,
At the same pace, but separate.
The coronas barely touch.

She pauses again,
Her light glows softly.
She smiles and pats another’s hand.

A light shimmers around the traveler,
A simple soft hue, she nods
And moves forward again.

The path around her brightens,
With each step the flowers appear more vivid,
The colors of life more vibrant.Her presence is felt,
Not always openly acknowledged,
Prayers of thanks follow behind her.

Standing quietly,
Smiling in her path, with alert eyes
Is a man.

There is a hint of mirth
And keen intelligence
In his face.

He sees her
For all of who
She is.

He nods to her, and she smiles,
A special, secret smile and they turn
In unison, walking, smiling together.

His touch is light, but creates amazing sparks,
She laughs and turns with her head
Thrown back arms wide.

He laughs
And stands
Perfectly still.

Her lips graze his
And again
There is a spark of beautiful flashes of light.

His eyes are hungry,
As they walk
Once more.

His fingers ruffle her hair
And a softness like velvet
Envelopes them.

She sighs, her hands finding his chest,
then his shoulders.
They embrace.

The world around,
Is at first silent,
Then a gentle melody fills the air.

The lights blend
And swirl then shoot out
Illuminating the night with Joy.

Cast your eyes to the ocean, cast your soul to the sea.
When the darkness seems endless, please remember me.

– L. McKennitt

A Knight in Shining Armor

November 29, 1998

On the playground she is swinging
up higher than the rest.
The boys run and jump, they want to know
who is the very best.

The music of their voices echo
down the green and flowing lawn,
the sound of laughter ringing
on this bright and sunny morn.

A small boy offers his balloon
to the little girl with dimples.
He comments on her hula-hoop,
she answers him with giggles.

The ice cream man comes strolling by
with treats in shiny wrappers.
The Mom’s and Pop’s surprise the tot’s
who’ve finished with their crackers.

A day like this will surely be
the best that nature offers.
The memories shan’t fade away
they’ll hold in time with fondness.

The little girl stands on the slide,
a princess in her castle.
The little boy hunts through the sand
for a dragon he can wrestle.

A puppy bounding on a leash
barks merrily away.
All are happy as can be
on such a glorious day.

The boy fights an evil wizard
and condemns him to the Tower.
The little girl applauds his feat,
her knight in shining armor.

I found me

December 1, 1998

I looked everywhere,
and when I came back,
I found me.
– Suanne

It seems like I have spent a huge part of my life trying to be someone else. I keep “becoming” other people (I’m not talking about split-personalities) I’m talking about personal evolution. That’s what growing up and learning is all about. That’s the honest process of life.

I see so many people standing in one place, people who could be so much more, people who are not even close to fulfilling their life potential. That saddens me. I have this terrible habit, when I realize a relationship, friendship, romance, etc. is going to end I tell the truth – not that I lie to people normally, but I tell them the things they don’t want to hear about themselves. I’ve always hoped that they would consider it a gift one day, something that helped them change their lives for the better. I’m brutally honest with myself too, so I don’t play favorites.

I guess my philosophy is that it’s very unfair for an ex-whatever to walk around and say things like “He’d have been great if only he could have…” or “She’d have been great if only she had…”. Sharing the insights of the people you’ve known intimately with them is a gift. Why not just say those things out loud? Why do we think it’s wrong to do that? I don’t think it is wrong, even if someone doesn’t like hearing it maybe one day that will be the thing that gives them strength to face something they have been hiding from.

Speak the truth but leave immediately after.
– Slovenian Proverb

I’m working on my own personal truisms, I have to figure out how to do this “boy-girl thing”, I want to learn how to stop pushing the people I most care for away, it would be nice if I could let someone take care of me without worrying about whether or not they’ll be there tomorrow.

I’m always surprised when a lesson pops up in front of me. That’s been happening a lot in the last few years, maybe because acknowledgment is the first step towards opening yourself up to solutions and resolution. If you’re willing to see it, perhaps the answer is always in arms reach.

I don’t know if that’s true or not, I kind of hope so.

Closeup of reminder paper note on fridge door

Refrigerator Magnet Poetry

December 5, 1998

Life is about contrasts
not just black and white
but the subtle shades of grey,
the colors of the rainbow,
the glow of the sunset.
Pleasure and Pain
Power and Submission
Love and Hate
Give and Take
Life and Death.

His heart is dead
I am the experiment
The instrument of sex on a raw canvas
I hear him scream here in my black art
My pain feels her death too.

I see the starry sky
flowing like the tide
night ebbs with day
moon leaves as sun rises
life always an eternal cycle

Live – Imagine – Investigate – See

a fiery rhythm like
an electric blue harmony
glorious passion & grace
a masterpiece of life
letting you create
like an angel knowing
free & wild joy

I observe the sculpture

rigid

my monument must

dazzle

Shadow’s On The Wall

December 5, 1998

I see the shadow of his pain
Cast an image on the wall.
The sun moves past the window
Ever changing with the Fall.

Storms ache within me
In a dark and hollow core.
A laughing ghost before me
Haunts the quiet road a fore.

How to clear the cobwebs?
How to shine the light?
How to keep the heartbreak
From the dreams of Winter’s night?

I stand in silence aching
Gazing towards this man.
My heart beats a steady rhythm
As I’m reaching for his hand.

And, so, we begin...