baby seal laughing out loud

Week 4 – Post Celexa

One of the big things about coming off anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds is that emotionally you’re like a baby again, you’ve had help coping with emotions – really they’ve been blunted with a a haze that makes them not as sharp and not as urgent. The coping mechanisms you once learned have become less available to you, rusty from lack of practice. Suddenly, you’re dealing with emotions you’ve not had to deal with for however long your anti-drug has been working and you’re even less prepared to cope with them than you were before going on medication, and in addition to trying to filter and react to this louder world you now have physical and emotional side-effects to deal with; it’s no wonder that people “fail” to get off anti-drugs even when the crisis has passed, or they might otherwise be ready to do so.

The mental fog lifted last week to a point where I was able to perform work at a high level, that’s a big deal. I was able to chart out a bunch of database fields with their rules, and then create mock up screens for the flow of the application I’m managing the redevelopment of – I was able to think in ways I’ve not done in a really long time, to stay very focused, and enjoy the process. I also did a crafty thing with my favorite video game so there’s that too.

Yesterday, I dropped my phone into water, I managed not to lose my shit, I didn’t cry, I didn’t yell, I was upset and angry, but I didn’t lash out – I put it in rice and went on with my day. = Win

I’ve needed naps, and those leg zaps have been an issue but I’ve ordered some magnesium which may help. I’ve also been taking a supplement called ZenMind which has GABA in it on days when I’m “edgy” it seems to help. I feel like I’m having less “forgetting words” moments which had become a scary regularity.

Also, I’ve lost 5 lbs this month without changing any thing else – welcome, but unexpected.

So… 4 weeks into withdrawal and I’m doing okay – and okay is a perfectly acceptable place to be on any given day in my book.

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