a paper house floating on a cotton cloud

6 weeks post-Celexa

Last week was good, like I woke up in a good mood and felt happy most of the week good. I think getting the car was part of that, probably losing the car last year was more emotionally impactful than I thought, regardless it’s great to just be happy again.

Physically, I’m sleeping much better, dreaming strange but vivid dreams – clearly working stuff out in my head. Celexa often causes diarrhea thankfully that seems to be over.

Emotionally, I’m having one issue that’s been an issue for pretty much my entire life. The one thing that really kept me on Celexa is my fight or flight response. Because of trauma and abuse suffered in early childhood I have a very “advanced” startle reflex and “fight” response that distresses me. Well that’s back – not as bad as it was before Celexa but it’s enough. So… there’s that to work through.

I feel like I was muffled in cotton and not doing anything these last 4.5 years (which isn’t true), I’m not sure when I lost touch with “feeling present” but it feels great to be present again. I managed to read an entire paperback book in 2 days which is a HUGE accomplishment, I was always a voracious reader but hadn’t been able to concentrate to read on Celexa. I’ve also been able to do some small creative things like the mohair wig for my ball jointed doll, it may seem trivial but trust me it’s really not.

Work has been easier, I’ve been concentrating on a complicated part of my project and find myself engaged after the 8 hour work day could be over.

Things are better.

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